Lost at 50+? How I am Finding My Way (and You Can Too)
By David Arago / June 12, 2025
Do you ever feel like you’re standing at a crossroads, unsure which path to take? Maybe you’re 50+, and the things that used to define you – your career, your family life – don’t quite feel the same anymore.
You’re not alone. Many men in their mid-50s experience a similar sense of uncertainty, a feeling of being adrift.
This article explores my journey for rediscovering my purpose and finding balance in this new chapter of life, drawing both on research and my own personal journey.
Part 1: The Midlife Crossroads: Understanding the Transitions (Insights from AI)
To understand why so many of us feel this way, I turned to data and research. Here’s what I discovered about the common feelings of being lost in your mid-50s:
The Transitions
Midlife, particularly around the age of 56, often brings significant transitions that can trigger feelings of being lost:
- Career Shifts: Many men are either approaching retirement, considering a career change, or facing job-related stress. The traditional markers of success and identity tied to work may start to fade, leaving a void.
- Family Dynamics: Children may be grown and leaving home, leading to an “empty nest” syndrome. Relationships with partners may evolve, requiring new levels of communication and understanding.
- Physical Changes: The realities of aging become more apparent, with changes in physical health, energy levels, and appearance. This can lead to a reevaluation of priorities and a desire to make the most of the years ahead.
The Statistics: You’re in Good Company
While there isn’t a specific statistic that says exactly how many 56-year-old men are “trying to find themselves,” research indicates that this experience is widespread:
- U-Shaped Curve of Meaning: Studies show a “U-shaped curve of meaning” (Medical Daily), meaning many of us feel a dip in purpose around 56, but it tends to bounce back around age 60 (Inverse). So, if you’re feeling lost now, know that it’s a normal phase.
- Decline in Purpose: Research indicates that “purpose in life” tends to decline with age, especially after retirement (NCBI). Men are particularly vulnerable to this drop due to changes in social roles and identity.
- Health Implications: A lack of purpose can have serious health consequences. Studies have shown that adults without a sense of purpose are more likely to face health issues (Psychology Today).
Part 2: My Personal Journey: Wrestling with Purpose at 56
For me, turning 50+ wasn’t a sudden wake-up call, but more of a slow realization. I’ve spent the last 30 years working in Technology, and while I’ve achieved some financial success, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing – a deeper sense of fulfillment.
- Career: The thought of retirement looms, but I’m not sure I’m ready to stop working entirely. Yet, the idea of continuing down the same path felt equally unfulfilling. It was like being stuck in a comfortable but uninspiring routine.
- Family: With the kids all grown up, with partners, and employed, the house felt quieter. I love the independence they’ve gained, but I miss the daily connection, the shared moments around the dinner table.
- Personal: I’ve noticed my energy levels weren’t what they used to be, and I was starting to think more about my health and well-being. It was a reminder that time is precious, and I wanted to make the most of it.
I often find myself wondering:
- What do I really want to do with the next chapter of my life?
- How can I find a better balance between work, family, and personal time?
- What legacy do I want to leave behind?
Finding Your Way: Strategies for Rediscovering Purpose and Balance
Whether you’re drawing on personal experience or seeking guidance from experts, here are some strategies that you can try to rediscover your purpose and find balance:
AI-Suggested Strategies
- Reflect on Your Values: Take time to identify what truly matters to you. What are your core values? What activities or experiences bring you the most joy and fulfillment?
- Explore New Interests: Try new hobbies, take a class, or volunteer for a cause you care about. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected discoveries and passions.
- Reconnect with Your Relationships: Nurture your relationships with family and friends. Meaningful connections can provide support, perspective, and a sense of belonging.
- Prioritize Your Health: Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Exercise, healthy eating, and mindfulness practices can boost your energy and improve your overall outlook.
- Seek Professional Guidance: Consider talking to a therapist or career counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you navigate this transition.
My Strategies
- Reflect on Your Values: Leading with Kindness Honesty has always been a core value for me. I’ve always tried to be honest in every relationship. However, I’m realizing that I haven’t always balanced honesty with kindness. In my professional life, I think I struck a better balance. But in my personal life, particularly with my family, I was often too strict. My goal was to provide for them and prepare them for the world. I see now that I was trying to be a guiding point, a moral compass, a lighthouse for my kids. I dismissed feelings because I thought they would get in the way of crafting hard-working, honest human beings. I didn’t want to be that guy, but I was. My personal goal now is to change my ways and lead with kindness. Allow them to make mistakes and support them when they do.
- Explore New Interests: Listening to My Wants I always thought exploring new interests was easy for me. If it had an engine, four wheels, or was some kind of tool, I was golden! But I never stopped to listen to what I truly wanted. These thoughts brought unrest, contemplation brought unfulfilled, and finally, some sort of direction. For the first time in my life, I spent several months living alone for part of the year. That solitude was hard to handle at the beginning, because I missed my kids and wife, but it gave me the opportunity to listen to what I want and go for it. To be 100% honest, I was not completely alone because I had my lapdog “Maya”.
- Reconnect with Your Relationships: Letting Go of the Shield For years, my approach to relationships was… let’s just say, unforgiving. If you crossed me, you were out. No second chances. I didn’t have much patience for bad days or mistakes. It was a “you mess with me, you’re done” kind of mentality. That attitude was my shield, my way of protecting myself. Growing up, I learned that boys didn’t show feelings, compassion, or understanding. Those were for girls. What a limiting and misguided way to live! Now, I realize the value of connection. I want to rebuild lost friendships, whether the distance was due to time, geography, or old disagreements.
I cut the faces of the other people to respect their privacy.
- Prioritize Your Health: Embracing Mental Well-being I was always concerned about my physical health. I rode my bicycle, practiced Karate, and played Futbol (misleadingly known in the US as Soccer). That was okay; that was manly, and I could be strong. But mental health was another story. Seeking mental health was weakness; it had/has a stigma. Repression of feelings was the key; talking to somebody about feelings was not in the plan. I lied to myself by justifying my way of acting as the way I grew up in Spain. I subscribed to the “Luke, I am your father” theory – you were either with me or against me.
- Seek Professional Guidance: Becoming the Person I Want to Be It took a lot of pondering to consider talking to a therapist. I’ve come to the realization that I had the best of intentions when dealing with family and friends, but not the tools to communicate correctly. I’ve had several sessions of just talking to another guy, a professional, a guy that won’t judge me. A guy that makes the uncomfortable follow-up questions to my answers. That new figure in my life is helping me become the person that I want to be, not the person that I have to be. I’ve come to realize that I cannot change the past; I can’t change the way I was with family and friends, but I can write a new history.
Answering the Big Questions
So, where did this journey of self-discovery lead me?
The initial question, “What do I really want to do with the next chapter of my life?” has led me down an unexpected path. What began as a professional exploration has transformed into a journey of self-discovery. My aim is not just to sell or provide services, but to do so in a way that authentically reflects who I am. I’m no longer bound by external expectations; this is about being a better partner in all aspects of life, both personal and professional.
Regarding the question of balance between work, family, and personal time, I must say that the reason why I am able to be on this path of discovery is thanks to the understanding of my wife. I am very fortunate, and why not, privilege to have a wonderful wife that supports me on this new face of our live. I do not know if balance is what I seek, but now, with my new found freedom to be my own boss, I am happier with my situation. It is hard because I am working more hours, and making less cash, but the net gain on quality of life is for sure on the black.
Finally, when considering the legacy I want to leave behind, I realize I’m not striving for a grand “legacy.” Instead, I hope to be remembered by those I care about simply as a good person. Whether as a dear friend, a loving son, a reliable business partner, a caring owner, a supportive husband, or a kind father/grandfather, my goal is to be seen as a decent human being in all these roles.
Conclusion: It’s Never Too Late
Feeling lost at 56 is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to define you. By understanding the challenges of midlife and taking proactive steps to rediscover your purpose and find balance, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful chapter in your life.
What’s one small step you can take today to start living the life you want? Remember, it’s never too late to begin.
